Myopia - 'All the King's Horses'

I know that I haven't been very good at this blogging as of late, but I saw the other day that some other up and comers are using their blogs to showcase a little of their work, and I thought that I might as well look to do the same!

Here's a short story that I'm one day hoping will be joined by others in a collection called Myopia - it's only a little ditty, but if you don't like this one you might like one of the others!

All the King's Horses

Ted Wilkes

The facts were there and could no longer be ignored by those who had them constantly thrust under their nose, but directed the reports and folders to be placed under a rug away from prying eyes of intrigue. Candy Land had run out of sugar, and this was bad. Without the sweet stuff there would be nothing for the munchkins to eat, and with nothing to eat the munchkins would starve which would look bad on the Candy Cane King. It wouldn’t be such a problem except they had started to notice that their sugary drinks were a little sour, their candy bars lacked that taste they liked and their sherbet no longer was as lickable as it once was.

They thought about rationing the sugar lumps so that each and everyone would have to have one lump not two, but then it would be a problem for the dentists who made their living on those munchkins who had eaten too much and came to them with rotting teeth. The Candy Cane King had to have a respect for the dentists, as without them there would be no place to go so that he might hide his own bad teeth. There was also the terrible problem that those close to the Candy Cane King also liked the taste of the sticky white powder, and had become plump from gorging themselves on it, and they intended to keep their waistlines at capacity.

Having a dilemma was not in the King’s plan. It was against the image that he had built for himself, and meant that he would have to explain and apologise to the munchkins, a race that he did so dislike with their sticky fingers and jittery eyes that came from having the right amount of sugar that did not make them fat and lethargic, but have them racing around looking for where they might find their next lump, hoping that it might be bigger than the last. Before most of them had no time for the King as they only had eyes for their own little pile of white powder rather than looking at where it came from, and the king liked it that way. After all if they ever stared too closely at the King they might discover that he was made of the very thing that they coveted.

The solution came in the egg. The poor dim witted egg that they had perched on the wall just overlooking the town of the munchkins. She had been a star, and the people loved her rolling around on the streets flashing her winning smile, the sweet heart of Candy Land. Her time to be of use had come.

It was simple to push her with promises of a new life beyond her rolling and smiling that she was tired of. It was made clear that all she had to do was fall; on the other side of the wall would be everything that she wanted, and in doing so she would leave the shape of her last life behind. The munchkins would respect her for the decision to no longer be that egg, and buy into this new path that she was forging for herself way into the distance.

Though it ended in tears as she leapt from the wall, she shattered into three pieces exposing her yoke for all to see. Some of the munchkins liked it too much baying for more, enjoying this new shape that she had fashioned herself into fawning over the pictures of her that appeared in the Daily Cane, dribbling at the insides that she had shown. Others debated the depravity with which she exposed herself, and how their might have been tinnier munchkins who were yet to find a voice that might be influenced to jump from walls in an attempt to fashion themselves into the thing that she had become.

In the end the king’s men and all their horses were unable to put her back together again. It was no matter; she was left on the sidewalk she ended up on to become what she would become. Though in the eyes of the king it was a success, people were talking about eggs when they should really be taking about sugar.

A Sunny Day

Two blogs in a day?! What are you unwell?

Probably, but: 1) I couldn't wait to get this out there and 2) I'm avoiding starting any real work at the moment.

So basically Sundown; First Light has been on the back burner for a while but now it's back with vengeance. I've got a really talented artist involved (Rael Pastorino) who has produced some amazing work for the project. Check it out below:

It's got DARK in the Sundown world but I think that I like it even more now. It's amazing to think that when I first wrote the screenplay that I was seeing it as a western version of Pirates of the Caribean but has now morphed into something that I think is more fitting for its themes and message.

Keep on the look out for more things coming up soon on Sundown we're hoping to get something out there as early as February/March weather that be through a publisher or Kickstarter - this is going to happen!!

Reverse TV

A while ago I wrote about the idea of ‘the long sofa’ – where whilst now viewing the tele we are no longer a passive viewer, we share our experience with every other tweep in the country that has a diploma in advanced social networking or is brave enough to use a hashtag that the flickering box in the corner instructed us to. It seems though that Channel 4 have gone one further for us and now given a bunch of us the opportunity to have cameras set up in our homes to record our reactions to the TV events of the week as they happen.

Are Steph and Dom hastening the end of the world?

Gogglebox is rapidly becoming one of my favourite shows on TV. Sitting watching people watching TV sounds a little like one of the signs of the coming apocalypse, but it actually makes for some compelling viewing with the channel having found the right mixture of kookiness and character. The “stars” of the show display equal parts informative dialogue about the “issues” of the week (seeing Leon and June Bernicoff on the warpath against Cameron one week was a particular highlight, or the conservative “leaning” father on the L shaped sofa walking out on Paxman’s interview with Russell Brand uttering incantations that my own dad might mutter over the same cauldron when the “comedian” appears on screen) and comedic and tender moments where we see the friendships and relationships of those on their couches.

The show seems to be out of touch with the norm of “reality TV” with the people on screen seemingly having the discussion that will be going on up and down the country at the moment in question whether that be who is being voted off this weeks X-Factor or the dispute over the parentage of Prince Harry as his face flashes up on the news. Channel 4 are keen to stress that they wanted: “to get people who are real, not desperate to be reality TV stars” though with some of the “cast” deserving their own spin off it would be a crime if the organization didn’t look into the possibility of catapulting a few of them to fame, or at least look into a second series.

However, for the return of Gogglebox in 2014 I would like to make a request to Channel 4. Instead of showing multicultural Britain on screen in the corner reacting to a screen in the corner can they take our television to some of the more remote places in the world to see what the third world really think about the images that flash past our eyes at dinner time in one of the greatest reverse anthropological studies of our time. I think that the results would be astonishing. 

The Gadget Show

In the slums of Beijing the workers from a nearby factory learn the true value of the Ipods that they have been making for the first time. Looking down at their paycheque for the day (a bowl of rice) one stands and hurls it to the floor throwing his fist in the air with defiance demanding a workers revolution in true communist spirit. In minutes the CCP march in and turn off the camera.

X-Factor

The sob stories and “hardships” faced by the contestants don’t move the audience on the Masai-Mara to tears. Most of the children are in bed halfway through so miss their favourite act Sam Bailey as they have to be up at the crack of dawn to fetch water from the nearest well seven miles away, then go to school (fourteen miles away) and then return to the village to see if their parents have managed to kill anything for them to eat tonight. 

Made in Chelsea

Playing in the caves of Afghanistan and the tribal regions of Pakistan the structured E4 reality show has now become the new recruitment video for Al-Quead: “Look my children at the decadent West in all her glory, these ‘toffs’ arguing amongst themselves about who shall sleep with one another. It has not been the same since the Mackintosh infidel left. She is the only one to be spared on your trip to paradise.”

Newsnight

As Brand makes his assertion that voting is meaningless as Paxman sits back getting all a quiver about the ratings that this will receive and the attention that will be thrown upon his facial hair again (did you know he was the first person to invent ‘the beard’ as he is calling it?!) an elderly man in the Ural mountains lets a lone tear roll down his face. He remembers the downfall of communism when he was finally allowed his democratic right to elect his leaders and a McDonalds nearly one thousand miles away as his district turns out 101% approval ratings for Putin.

Little Miss... Bad Grampa. A review of 'Jackass Presents: Bad Grampa'

I grew up watching the Jackass crew doing things to their bodies, and each others, that equally petrified and fascinated me. Nothing it seems was off limits for the boys who regularly dared one another to do the most ludicrous things all in the name of making each other laugh. It included some of the more sensitive areas of the male anatomy that made me wince, bizarre contraptions invented solely for the reason of causing pain and going fast and putting stuff in, and then taking it out, of places that objects should never really be for an extended period of time. What was so strange though that it was oddly compelling and funny - appealing to the most basic instincts I had that make me also enjoy: UFC, eating my body weight in cheese and Michael Bay films. I cared about the cast (Johnny Knocksville, Ryan Dunn and Steveo) they seemed like well meaning guys who had found their calling, and it just happened to be falling over for my amusement.

When a wheelchair just won't do for the old man.

Ultimately the internet, and more specifically Youtube, killed off the small screen version of Jackass (and proved Darwin wrong) with an endless supply of idiots willing to do things that endanger their health on demand twenty-four hours a day and without the need to pay for cable TV. However, undeterred Jackass evolved, rolling with the times, and became Bad Grampa. It's still walking around on four legs, but at least it's out of the sea and no longer has its eyes on the side of its head but it's making an attempt to get itself upright.

In Bad Grampa 86 year-old Irving Zisman (Johnny Knocksville) is on a journey across America with the most unlikely companion, his 8 year-old Grandson Billy (Jackson Nicoll). The pair are brilliant on screen bouncing off one another like the best of buddy cops on a stake out. They have a chemistry that suggests that the pair really did get on during their little road trip, the cameras just happened to be around them and at the end they thought that they might as well cut a film out of the footage just for the hell of it. Nicoll is simply brilliant as the snotty little pre-teen who is equal amounts cheeky and charming in the right places. I predict that after returning from filming he was an absolute nightmare for his parents after being allowed to truly be a little shit for the duration of filming every day for the shoot!

Just to get this out of the way Bad Grampa is not a film. It's a series of stunts that are loosely tied together by a journey that the two are on. If you ever went into the screening hoping to see something other than a film about farting in crowded places or Knocksville falling over you're going to be disappointed, but if that is what you expected Bad Grampa delivers and then some. In another universe the film could have been a heartwarming indie comedy that would have made it big at Sundance. There are some moments when the pair are alone in the car, at the diner, or playing HORSE on a basketball court with one another where I genuinely thought that they were going to ditch the gags and let me enjoy an affectionate moment. But then someone decided that that was too much sentiment and needed another fart noise to keep things going. The one moment at the diner though had me in hysterics for some time though and the reaction from the old man sitting across from them is worth the price of admission alone.

Trying to read into the subtext of Bad Grampa a little (and if you look hard enough there is some) you are struck by just how nice people really are. No matter where they go, or even what they say to people, the general public seem to be inherently good always wanting to help what they just must see as a kooky old man and his grandson. It's not as if they are hanging around in middle class areas either, some of the places that they go look to be destitute, even a little seedy, where the threat of possible violence is very real. However, there's always a good samaritan on stand by that will either help the pair negotiate the situation they have got themselves in or resolve it for them. It also has to be said that Knocksville is fearless as Zisman, no matter where they are or who he is talking to there is never a flutter of his eyes that show he is scared. There is one bit in a bike bar, and another in a male strip club that had the potential to go south very, very rapidly but I'll leave those for you to squirm through yourself. The film leaves its final punches for the end of the film at the beauty pageant that must have been set up for the film itself delivering a damming verdict of American parenting with clever cut aways at the right time. 

It should have made me more angry than it did that the road trip storyline is basically a rip off of one of my favourite films Little Miss Sunshine but at the end I was willing to accept Bad Grampa for what it is - a great film to watch with friends that everyone doesn't take too seriously. Its also proved to me again that Knocksville has this built in charm that he's unable to switch off and I hope that he gets more serious acting work in the future. I can see him playing a very good 'Bottom' in Mid Summer Nights Dream. Your move RSC.

NFTS - Documentary to Drama course

I'm panicking, I've got five minutes left to finish what I'm shooting, not nearly enough time to get everything done that I wanted to and onto of that I've still got this nagging thought in my head that the last take of the previous set up isn't really working for me but it's still the one that I really think that I want to use in the edit and on top of all of that I've just remembered the idea that I had for another shot late last night is never going to happen! It's only a tiny taste of what it means to direct drama but I'm already hooked!

Last week I had the pleasure of going on the NFTS Documentary to Drama directing course run by Dan Reed and the NFTS short course department. The week long course was five days aimed at converting documentary filmmakers into drama directors for the small (and big) screen. It was great to hear how things really are rather than the methodical approach of how you should make a TV show, this was actually how things got made and the sacrifices and decisions that you had to make. Using the skills of taping racist protestors, kicking footballs over the back wall of the North Korean embassy and chasing Chuck Norris making the small docs that I've done I was hoping that converting to producing a drama short would be easy where there weren't so many variables to think about and there wasn't the possibility of ending up in a gulag. How wrong I was.

After the first two days of intense seminars with Dan and other visiting guests (Stuart Harris - Cinematography, Elaine MacKenzie - 1st AD and Karen Lindsay-Stewart - Casting director) I had a solid idea about what my task ahead would be. From Monday 7th October to Tuesday 8th I had learnt more about what it means to be a director that I had in the rest of my life. I was deconstructing everything that I watched (Why is Walter White framed like that? How come Rick is doing that? Why does Jess have to be shown to be looking at that?) All of a sudden I was thinking about everything not just as a loving representation of a script but as a process in itself. Just as a script can't have any "dead weight" hanging off it, the same is true of the actual finished product. The camera has to be involved with the telling of the story, helping the viewer work out the relationships between characters and the subtexts of each scene.

I had a lot to think about on day three when I was given my assignment, to produce a scene from The Changeling as I saw fit. I was given a scene where Christine confronts Jones about how the boy that they have given him isn't her son. I wanted to play it differently from the original just to try something new and see if I could do it so I made it so that Jones is trying to close this case anyway that he can - fully knowing that the boys isn't hers but seeing the "job" as a personal and professional success. He tries to get Christine to accept the situation anyway that he can eventually threatening her that if she continues to look for Walter that he will make her the prime suspect. On the other side Christine realises that Jones is trying to fob her off and wants to get him to keep looking. I didn't want her to be this hysterical stock female character who weeps and begs Jones to keep trying to find him so I made her strong and cold to him knowing that he hasn't done his job properly and fully certain that her boy is still alive. To try and make it more apparent that Jones hasn't done the job to Christine's satisfaction I had her "straightening" his office out during the conversation that they have so that when he gets back to work on it everything will be in the right place. The actors that I got for the scene were brilliant (Paul and Abi) and really helped me out realising that I was new to the game, steering me through the process whilst picking up on how I was trying to direct them perfectly delivering great performances.

Filming was tough - we had two and a bit hours to get three minutes done. Although this sounds like a long time when you're new to this it flies by and before you know it you're wrapped and you can't remember exactly what you did but you're hoping that your well prepared plan was executed - but it might not have been. I wanted to experiment with stuff to see what would work and what wouldn't, I knew that the main objective had to be to make something that I was proud of but as a task on the course I could take a few risks with the set ups.

In the edit suite after breathing a sigh of relief realising that everything was there (and if I can say looked and sounded remarkably good thanks to the team of students and ex students who worked on it with me! Thank you again to Susi, Matthew, Nik and Isobella) I worked on getting the final (rough) cut together with another ex student (Nicolas) who after only needing a short conversation understood exactly what I wanted out of the scene and with what seemed a few movements of his hands across the keyboard he had cut together exactly what I wanted. It has cemented in my mind that editors are indeed magicians and do not get the praise that they deserve!

At the end of the course we all screened our films in the student cinema and had them deconstructed by Dan. I was happy with my feedback and it was nice to talk about why I did certain things with someone who has to make these kind of decisions for a living. The minute or so that we spent analysing just the one ten second shot that I had put in over another more conventional one is something that will stick with me - it really allowed me to better understand the decision making process for a director and is one that I hope to replicate when/if I'm trusted behind the lens of a camera again!

Anyhow - the video is attached to the blog - let me know what you think of it! Now it's just to try and get myself a gig directing Doctors or if I wish really, really hard the next season of The Walking Dead!!

Update - How to Write a movie in 21 Days

So... I've decided to do it - I'm going to take on the challenge of writing a first draft of a movie in just 21 days using a book by Viki King called, you guessed it; How to Write a Movie in 21 Days.

It sounds like a fun challenge and gives me a time frame to actually get something down on paper rather than stressing about this being right, or that sounding authentic or even basic stuff like character arcs and tropes - you just write what you're feeling at the time and hope that everything comes together at the end. It's called the Inner Movie Method - basically you "watch" the film unfolding in your head and write it down as you think that you see it on the screen. All the tweaking, character description, malarky that goes into actually writing a polished screenplay comes later in a second or third draft.

So I did a little work before I started so that I didn't entirely have the fear of the great white page and came up with a couple of ideas before settling on what I was going to write. In the end I settled on an action/comedy that I've had kicking around for a while and seems the most formulated in my mind. It's called The Deck and was the result of too long spent on CNN late at night. I found out that there was a crazy/genius guy who at the height of the hunt for Bin Laden decided that he could do with the reward for his capture and set off into the hills of Pakistan with little or no knowledge of what on earth he was doing to bring the worlds most notorious terrorist to justice and collect his pay check!

I decided that I wanted to make the piece a little more comedic and write it as if myself and my friends had one day thought that it would be a good idea to go after one of the "deck" of most wanted terrorists as put out by the CIA after the latest Iraq war. Unable to relate to the hunting of terrorist all that well and for obvious reasons not being able to find all that much about how one goes about doing it online I thought that the closest experience to actually being involved in a fire fight was playing on COD. So The Deck became a bunch of avid computer games players out looking for what they considered a "soft" terrorist in the hope of picking up some easy money using the "skills" that they leant when they were behind the sticks.

Obviously it needed a little more and I crafted the lead character Stu into a recently unemployed investment broker who is now unable to pay for his fathers medical bills and after realising that he's never going to make it onto the pro-circuit with his "team" of gammers who are unable to work together to win a qualifying spot he decides to convince them to turn their attention to heading out to the middle east. Though Stu might be hiding something from the group that will shake them all and could mean an end to even their current tenuous partnership.

On day 1 you have to write pages 1-10 (or the ordinary world - establishing where the hero was/is before they set off on their adventure. It has to show the overall tone or theme of the piece and set up the questions that will be answered during the film). I started the group playing for a spot in the finals of the MLG Call of Hero's tournament in Vegas each at their respective homes. It all goes horribly wrong where none of the guys are willing to work with each other and eventually the other team win and the gang falls out for the first time.

Stu then heads off to an interview at Happy Burger where he is turned down for the job because he is over qualified and the paranoid manager thinks that because he turned up in a suit he must be from head office being sent as a spy. He then leaves for the hospital to see his dad who, with no medical care to pay his bills, is looking to be turfed out of the hospital.

It's as far as I've got and it's only a first draft but I'm happy with how things are going so far and I'm enjoying discovering what I want to do with the characters so far on the fly making me learn new things about them with each new scene that I put in.

Anyhow keep up-to-date with the blog to find out where The Deck goes!! Once it's finished I'll be more than happy to have people read it - just give me another 20 days!!

peace,

- Ted

We're drug smugglers, not drug dealers! A review of we're the Millers

We're the Millers - the family down the street that everyone was a little worried about.

Last night I had the pleasure, and what only can be described as the pleasure, of watching We're the Millers starring Jason Sudeikis as David Burke the small time pot dealer who after a run in with "... the cast of Annie" finds himself unable to pay his boss the money that he owes him for this weeks stash and has to travel to Mexico and bring a "smidge" of the green stuff back in order to call it quits.

His plan is fool proof - create a fake family that will help him slip past the boarder guards undetected and onwards to freedom with the stash in tow. In comes Rose (Jennifer Aniston) playing either herself or Rachel Green if she had made some poor life choices after the end of Friends - I can't decide, Kenny (Will Poulter) the 18 year old with the mind of a child from the flat downstairs and Casey (Emma Roberts - who after the film finished google told me it was OK to fancy, she's actually 22!!) the likeable but stroppy homeless teen who is "between couches" as she calls it. All looks like it's going well until upon arrival at the pick-up point it turns out that it's a little more than a "smidge and a half" they're bringing back, and it might not even be theirs to take.

The family unit work well together and the chemistry flows well between them with the characters bouncing off each other as if in another universe the actors are really blood related creating the best looking family ever. The humour comes from those awkward situations that all families at one time or another find themselves in: that talk with your dad about the birds and the bees, the squabble in the RV about how fast it should be going and the disapproval of a daughters boyfriend. In any other film this might be played as straight drama but because we're in on the joke (they're not a real family don't you know) it becomes a great way that Faber and Fybel (the writers) can explore the real emotions behind the fronts that the characters put on. It's clear that they get family dynamics and slowly in the film you're rooting for Dave not only to make it back with the shipment but wake up and realise that a wife and 2.5 children might not be all that bad after all.

However, it's not without its flaws. The laugh riot slows to a crawl sometimes with the story trying to cram too much in, and often a few too many coincidences occurring to service the narrative. Usually a sign that the filmmakers are running out of ideas, but in this case I think that it's just that they had too many and couldn't decide which ones to leave out; I'm sure that there's more that will come out on the DVD extras (I'm going to be sure to buy it). The only real problem that I have with the entire film is that someone insisted that Jennifer Aniston took her clothes off as often as possible. Now I'm not complaining, as a red blooded male she's hot and it's always a draw to see some bits on show, however it's either the desperation of the producers to get more teenage bums on seats ("LOOK TITS GREAT - COME SEE THIS!") or Aniston's management trying to show that she's still got it, and you should call us if you need someone to take their kit off in the latest action film you're thinking of getting off the ground. As a side-bar, and I don't know how she'll take this, Aniston would make a great stripper.

[What is more depressing in that trying to find a picture to go with this blog typing in 'We're the Millers' to Google furnishes you with over three pages of Jennifer in her skimpies before you get any other pictures of the film - Internet you're drunk, go home!]

Though for all the huge jumps and overly toned middle aged flesh the thing that wins the film back is the supporting cast that the Millers run into on their journey. The subliminal Kathryn Hahn, that is rapidly becoming my favourite actress, playing her special brand of loveable crazy in each of the features that she is cast in, Nick Offerman bringing Ron Swanson to the big screen along with his amazing moustache and Ed Helms as the Orca owning drug baron.

Ultimately a film that picks you up and shakes you drumming in the idea that the only opportunities you don't take are the ones you regret. Whether this be the offer of being taught to kiss by your fake mom and sister in-front of your fake dad while the daughter of the family you just met rounds the corner, a chance to join a drug smuggling gang brining enough weed to kill Snoop Dog across the boarder or knocking out a world renowned criminal on the count of 1.

The ending will leave even the hardest hearts warm and fuzzy and giving you a little bit of hope that the Millers might actually become something of the weirdest neighbours in existence with just a little bit of paperwork and a few "I-do's". That is until the sequel and we'll have to revisit them five years later when someone they've crossed will be out for vengeance and the smuggling stakes have gotten even greater! I for one will be watching it!

Updates Galore!!

So the past few days have been a little hectic but I've been getting things done!! Yay!

The website for 'Chasing Chuck' is, hopefully, about to be up and running - here's a little sneak peek if you're interested!! (I'm so excited about this and hope that everyone loves it, and obviously we get wad of cash to get making it!!)

A little sneaky peek of the website.

Me working hard on the site to get it finished by the end of August.

Also, I've decided that my writing output has slid into non-existence over the last few months so am making a huge concerted effort to churn out a few more projects before the end of the year! I'm looking at hammering out two first drafts of two new projects over September and October using Viki King's How to Write a Movie in 21 Days  - more to challenge myself to see if I can do it than anything else. Be sure to check out all of the blogging that will go along with it! I'm also keen to get a few short films written that could possibly go into production next year!!

In other news I've got another 1st AD job working in the North that I'm really excited about on a short film called Nah.

I'm also getting increasingly excited about this idea that I had a while ago called The Sitcom Showdown  - it's started off as educational tool that is loosely based on the "writing process" that I go through when trying to come up with ideas for TV to help me look at new combinations of characters and situations but then I thought that it might actually make a cool card game that people could play at dinner parties or other writers might use when they're lacking inspiration.

Have a look at some of the beta tests of the cards here:

Examples of some of the character cards for The Sitcom Showdown.

I'm hoping to get a mock-up set made by next week and start road testing it on some unsuspecting friends. I'm then hoping to take it into schools and colleges and then even maybe get it on Kickstarter to try and see if it's an idea that might have some legs to it. If not I've had some fun coming up with it and I'm hoping that it helps my own writing in the future!

P.S. I'm still writing Between Lambs and Lions - I'm hoping to get it finished soon!!

A chicken on 'Chickens'

Today I finally got round to watching the new offering from the brains behind the wildly successful ‘The Inbetweeners’ that was a breakout hit on Channel 4 a few years ago that was a perfect antidote to ‘Skins’ and rather than cast a group of too cool for school teenagers running around taking drugs, having plenty of sex and staying up all night it showed me my own pre-university years in full glorious HD where any fun usually had to happen before midnight when I was due home and the only sex I was having was with myself and the strongest drugs that I could get my hands on were caffeine, and I didn’t even like coffee.

Simon, Will and Neil is that you?

Recently, I read the exemplary book We Will Not Fight by Will Ellsworth-Jones on the conscientious objectors during World War I and began to sympathise with the young men who although they refused to fight were embroiled in a war of their own between their conscience and the views of their communities. I consider myself a bit of a “conchie” (read coward) and hope that it a world with professional armies and peaceful democracies I will never need take up arms as I don’t think that it would sit very well with me. Wrestling with my own worries of war I became interested in the topic and began to become very interested in the men who daily had to have white feathers pressed into their hands and the lengths that they would go either for their political, religious or moral views.  So I settled in to watch what I sure would be a witty ride through a village in 1914 that would have me equally laughing and thinking about the men who couldn’t fight in the First World War seeing them in a different light. I was disappointed.

We have a problem in the UK that we seem to glorify the horrendous conflict that occurred between 1914 and 1918 on mainland Europe that killed millions and can be argued as the first time that war was performed on an industrial scale. We call it the “Great War” and remember it with the words of Siegfried Sasoon and bibles stopping snipers bullets. We reduce it to “our boys” fighting against the evil “Hun” who ate babies and worshiped the devil. If anything we were doing France a favour by driving out the “Boche” and restoring order in mainland Europe. As Winston Churchill said: “History is written by the victors” and it’s only written that way because we won. In another reality we would hear how Germany was entitled to the same great Empire that the once great nation of Britain had and because Africa was taken and America was now on its own the only place left to invade was across the border. It was only what everyone else was doing at the time. But this isn’t a history lesson, this is a review of ‘Chickens’ (but I promise that we’ll come back to this later.)

“Conchies” didn’t just not fight out of fear, or this radical idea that killing another human being for whatever reason might not sit well on his religious or moral conscience. Often socialists out of political principals refused to shoot at their fellow man because it would be possibly killing another socialist brother. They believed (like all good “pinkos” do) that wars are fought for the benefit of the few at the expense of the many. The poor and well-meaning are sent to do battle against the ideologically different and brainwashed for another either to make those back at home richer or simply prove that one system is better than the other. If the “proletariat” who would form the majority of the rank and file of the army collectively laid down their weapons it would be impossible to have a war as no matter how many bullets there were with no one to fire them it would be a very quiet front line. However, this isn’t a lesson in socialist international politics this is a review of ‘Chickens’ (but I promise that we’ll come back to this later.)

Simon Bird and Joe Thomas are very, very bright guys having both graduated from Oxford and I’m sure they know all of the above. I understand that they need to make it funny but they’ve missed a huge chance to make the comedy relevant and socially biting as well. Instead they decide to recycle their tried and tested ‘Inbetweeners’ banter. Simon (oops I mean George) is still chasing after a girl who doesn’t want to be with him, Will (oops I mean Cecil) is the well-meaning looser who just really wants to be at the front but being a little flat footed and short he has to resort to darning socks with the WI in the village, and Neil (Whoops I mean Bert) is the mentally challenged idiot who just wants to get laid. You can see the formula, and don’t get me wrong it was good the first time but it’s now time to move on. Could it be that we are actually looking at the great-grandparents of the gormless teenagers from the popular show?

Some of it is funny, but not the laugh out loud funny, or the; this is getting so awkward I’m going to have to hide behind the sofa funny. It raises a titter and nothing more. The comedy comes in the treatment that the three heroes face at the hands of the female only population of the village burning effigies of them and general snide remarks of their lack of manhood at a time when their country needs them most. The milklady is a particular favourite hurling their day’s rations at the wall of their graffiti daubed house.

Maybe because I am passionate about the subject I wanted more from the show. Less knob gags and more of a look at the endlessness of war that this century finds itself in (especially relevant as it seems that we are being sold the same story of Iraq again over the current conflict in Syria, admittedly with a little more evidence this time). Comedy after all is most successful when it says something about the times we live in, and it may be 1914 in the village but I’m sure that the parallels can’t be seen in today’s conflicts. But this is “light entertainment” so we might as well just tell a couple of jokes about how men are desperate for sex and have a little misunderstanding about a hankie. Maybe if Will’s [damn it Cecil) has a hot mom – that’d be funny wouldn’t it?!

I repent - I've indeed been a bad blogger

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I know that there aren't many people out there who tune into this blog on the regular but for those of you who do I am really sorry that nothing has appeared over the last few weeks. It's not that I've been any busier than before I just thought that I'd give spouting drivel a rest for a while - but now I'm back and yah'll have to listen to be again!

I thought that I'd use the first blog back to update on everything that I'm doing at the moment if that's alright - I've got a few things cooking up about various bits and bobs but everything is a little half baked at the moment and I want to try and get stuff right before I put it up!

Anyhow in the style of a doctor doing their rounds these are the following prognosisis for the projects that I've been working on.

Chasing Chuck - Shouldn't even be at this hospital, it's well ready and being a little too active at times. We're hoping to have the website up by the end of the month for anyone and everyone to see! All we want now is the cash to turn it into a full feature doc!

Aftercare  - is dead, dead as a doornail at the moment. There's nothing going forward or backwards. The last feedback that I had from a contact at Talkback, after a rather promising start, was that no-one will ever make this; "it's too clever" was the main line of thought. I've never thought that could be considered much of an insult but apparently "being clever" doesn't do well on TV and despite protests of The Thick of It and Newsroom there was no reply, but no change of mind. Disappointing on all accounts but now it's time to grieve and move on.

Jezza might never get the roasting he deserves.

Dark Matter - The ambitious webseries that I'm working on with a producer and director is alive and doing well. I can't really say much about it as currently I'm sworn to secrecy by a contract but I'm about to explode with all this information running through my head. The second that I'm allowed to Facebook and Tweet about it watch out as there's going to be a social media tirade heading your way.

Between Lambs and Lions  - I was approached by a producer after last year's Enter the Pitch film competition to write a feature length version of the pitch that I put together called Between Lambs and Lions about a corrupt government in the future. I'm ever so close to the finish line I just need to really get my head around the last few scenes and I'll have another complete screenplay that I'm excited about. Basically, it's looking good but I don't want to jinx it yet by saying either way.

Sorry - but I'm trying to give nothing away

Enter the Pitch 2013 - Is just about to head in for surgery in the next month. I've been waiting a year for this operation and by gum I'm going to make the most of it. This year's pitch is again along the democracy lines that Between Lambs and Lions was last year. However, I'm now updating the message it's all about an Edward Snowdonesque whistleblower and her dilemma about is she doing the right thing in a short called Tides of Change. See a shot of the trailer here:

Sundown; First Light - There are a few more artists other than Sam on-board now but at the moment it's a little like herding cats - more chasing is required so it's a little akin to looking after grandma in a home I'm sure she's there getting on with stuff but I'm trying to keep the doors locked so that she doesn't scarper to the park to feed the ducks.

Sitcom Showdown - Now this is a baby of mine at the moment and I'm loving and caring for it in the maternity ward and it's still a little wrinkly and ugly so I don't really want to show you it yet but here's a sneak peak. Hope you like it.

Anyhow I might post something a little more serious tomorrow!

peace,

Oh how I'd love to be a Viking!! A review of 'Vikings' on LoveFilm

I always thought that being a Viking would be a right laugh. Plundering and pillaging all day in some far off lands with my mates dressed up in a various array of animal skins and pointy helmets swinging an oversized axe and not fearing death one bit as it meant that I got to go to what might be the greatest party in the skies with all you can eat and drink at a never-ending table with the Gods. Then by night I could sit round the fire in a great hall and tell tales of my conquesting and looting drinking myself into a stupor before heading to my chamber with a buxom wench only to wake up the next morning to do it all over again. Forget free healthcare, this is the life I’d be lobbying for.

You've got a little something on your face Lagertha

However, Vikings, the new series from Love Film tells a very different tale of events and has shattered my illusion of what it would have been to Norseman. Yes there is plenty of the two P’s going on but that’s only amongst the scenes of backstabbings and betrayals and also having watched what is actually was like to be on a raiding party I have reconsidered how great the experience might have been.

Though shattering dreams aside Vikings is rapidly becoming one of my favourite shows at the moment, and has momentarily healed the rift that LoveFilm and I were suffering. It’s a little like this is the part in the relationship were we’ve just started exploring a few new things that has really spiced things up, and LoveFilm’s sister Netflix isn’t really all that appealing anymore, though come Christmas when the family get together if her hands wander under the table like they did last year I might be tempted.

The show is inspired by the tales about Ragnar Lodbrok, one of the best-known Norse heroes and notorious as the scourge of France and Britain. It portrays Ragnar as a Viking farmer who pioneers the first daring raids into Britain with the support of fellow warriors, his brother Rollo, and his wife, the shieldmaiden Lagertha. He appears the ultimate man; attentive to his wife and family, a good provider and brave warrior. The first few episodes give us the picture of a maverick who come hell or high water is going to prove himself as an adventurer sailing “West” to new undiscovered lands with their untapped treasure that will make him and his crew rich. The only thing that stands in his way is the evil Earl Haraldson who tries to tarnish Ragnar’s efforts at every turn insisting that he is in charge and they will sail to the “East”, a much safer option for them. Once Ragnar has proved himself able to go “West” bringing the plunder back with him, including the monk Athelstan, the conflict between the two escalates into violence during episode 5 (as far as I’ve got at the moment, but can’t wait to see more!).

The album cover shoot was going well.

Recently there’s been a trend in fantasy/historical dramas with Game Of Thrones the most recent success that is an obvious comparison to Vikings. At times it is painful to see the show try and pander to the viewers of the HBO series with all the uncovered bits and such that come with it. Being originally aired on the History channel in the USA they can’t go as far as their cable network cousin and it ends up being rather sad that they feel the need to try and draw attention to itself with being another show with actual CHEBS in, I mean look at them they’re out on TV! Unless you’re a thirteen year old boy that has rather malevolent parents who cloak your internet in a filter it’s now just become a little sad that shows think that the only way to compete is to show us some wobbly bits to keep us interested. But if you are a thirteen year old boy with the Stasi monitoring your web searches go nuts with Vikings, there’s nothing you won’t love about it.

What Vikings does do well it does very well. The human relationships and interactions between characters are brilliant each exchange adding something new a titillating to the story. The scenes between Ragnar and Athelstan are a particular favourite with both of the men blindly defending their own beliefs but at the same time doubting them with each conversation learning more and more about the others world. I half expect at the end of the series Ragnar a celibate Christian monk and Athelstan taking the Viking way of life too far simply swinging an axe into the faces of people he meets in the street. Other highlights are Floki, the crazy shipbuilder who is half Heath Ledgers the joker and the other half Jim Carrey in The Mask and the beautiful way that the violence and brutality of Viking life is captured, each chop and stab framed with such purpose, choreographed so thoughtfully that the blunt instruments of battle become a ballet when it could have been a cumbersome exercise.

Aside from the insistence of pointing out that: yes she’s naked; here look at her there’s boobs! Vikings only downfalls are small enough to forgive. The sets at times look a little like those that were left over after a cheap looking history docudrama was shut down because in a PC world Vikings are surely off the cards now, but the breath-taking scenery of Ireland more than makes up for it. Also, often you are pulled out of the action by a historical inaccuracy such as:  Ragnar insisting on helping to wash the clothes, his wife Lagertha joining them in battle and the raiders forming a “turtle” with their shields when fired upon (A Roman trait not a Viking one). Each done for a plot point rather than to ring true to history with entertainment and advancing the script obviously the first priority and things that the average viewer might easily skip over but torture for a history buff. The only other time that I fell out with the series was when the raiding party chopped their way through a room full of defenseless monks at a monastery, historically accurate now but not getting me to identify much with a group of characters who are happy to get on-board with that.  

In the end Vikings is a great watch and I can’t wait to get to the end of the 9 episode first season, most likely this week in time for season 2 early next year. I just hope that the writers do less of the diet Game of Thrones stuff and focus on more of what makes the show so great; showing the tender side of a time in history where we focus far too much on the hacking and slashing. Maybe being a Viking wouldn't be all that bad after all.

The rise of the internet video show - from VHS to MP4

There’s a current trend at the moment on TV, especially on the main channels, to try and produce the cheapest shows that will appeal to the widest possible audiences. There’s the structured reality TV show where you fill a house/town/family full of the in-between stages of human evolution and ply them with booze hoping that they get up to naughty stuff and fall out while some sort of basic arc appears that in no way was driven by the producer stirring the pot and ensuring that certain “characters” arrive at specific places at the right time when the cameras are on. And there’s the internet video show.

No one is safe from some Daniel Tosh ribbing.

 The internet video show is best described as a modern update of You’ve Been Framed. Rather than kill off the “post your funny videos to us and we’ll put them on TV” genre the internet has actually supplied the new breed of the show with a gold mine of material. One of my favourites at the moment has to be Tosh.0 where comedian and host Daniel Tosh takes you through his picks of the videos from Youtube with a sarcastic commentary and a camp persona that gives what is essentially something as mundane as a sick prank gone wrong, a panda sneezing or "the Star Wars kid" so much more depth that you previously thought.

But why does this genre work and why do they keep getting commissioned, and why do people keep watching? The internet is there filled with videos that you can access, for much cheaper than you can a satellite TV channel, any time of the day with little effort. Here are a few ideas why:

Tosh.0 unlocking the depths of the internet to find you the best puking grandmas possible.

1 – The internet is fricking huge! With over 100’s of hours of footage uploaded every minute on Youtube there is no way that you can see everything and even some viral videos might get missed unless you’re plugged into the net twenty-four hours a day. Show’s like this can draw your attention to the stuff that you might have missed and act almost like a filter finding you the stuff that is worth seeing and ensuring that you can avoid the stuff that isn’t.

2 – They’re so cheap to produce. All you need is an audience to come and watch, a warehouse, green screen and comedian with a few writers. There’s a few sketches that happen on the likes of Tosh.0 and Russell Howard’s Good News but they’re mostly in the car-park out the back and don’t require all that much to make.

3 – We like seeing people falling over. It’s simple comedy, man/woman/dog/cat/grandma falls down, it gets a laugh. Now repeat, but this time grandma is carrying a chainsaw/flaming bag of excrement/granddad. Also, there’s a lot of puking on Tosh.0 which is funny, very funny!

4 – Once again the internet is fricking huge! There seems to be an unlimited supply of videos out there and with 100’s of hours of footage uploaded every minute to Youtube they’re never going to run out of material to comment on.

5 – Transmedia. A bit of a buzz word at the moment, and often mistakenly used (probably in this case too). We like to share stuff with our friends on social networks and be the first to “discover” something. Once we’ve seen something on Tosh.0 that our friends might not have we can post it to them on Twitter/Facebook etc… and appear in the know, or even show it to them to have the experience of watching the video all over again with friends.

6 – We’re in on the act. You could end up on Tosh.0 a variety of ways which is both exciting and possibly a little scary, which we enjoy the feeling of. There are a variety of ways that you can end up being on the show; as a guest on the “web-redemption” segment (he brought the Star Wars kid on to hit back at the haters and trolls the one time), via skype as a guest (Tosh had thanksgiving dinner with a bunch of fans that won the opportunity) or even on the videos themselves that are part of the act. In the book What Would Google Do? by Jeff Jarvis states that the most successful media productions in the age of the internet build a community around their main product. Tosh.0 has its own blog that gets hundreds of thousands of visitors and Daniel interacts with his fans via Twitter personally when the show is on (and sometimes on the show goading them the week before to send something to him that he uses as part of the act) and is constantly referencing his stand up acts and other ventures (such has the hilarious Brickleberry) we, as viewer, feel as if we are as close to being part of the show as we possibly can, and thus take ownership over it.

7 – Finally the internet is fricking huge! At the moment the internet is big business. Everyone knows about it and there aren’t many people who can’t access it. People are interested in what’s out there and like being shown the stuff that they might have missed and seeing the people who are involved in creating the content that they are consuming on Youtube, they're slowly becoming the new "stars" of our age.

The internet video show is here to stay so long as the internet is the main medium that the world uses to interact with one another. But even when it is eventually superseded by something else the internet video show will live on just in another incarnation, possibly with Tosh beamed directly into your mind - now that's a scary prospect.

Looking “Behind the Filter”

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. – Harry Emerson Fosdick

The Conservatives, single handily (no pun intended) trying to dismantle the "man sized" tissue production industry. 

I enjoy a good debate, hearing the other side of the story is an all important part of politics and coming to a full considered opinion. However, when someone looks like these words are going to fall out of their mouth: “Speaking as a mother” I secretly try to choke them using the force.

Basically Claire Perry is on a mission, she wants to stop young children looking at what could be potentially damaging and degrading pornography on the internet. The problem is that the block on ‘adult content’ will not just stop children from arousing their curiosities but will be the first time that a part of the internet will be effectively censored by the British government. She’s on a mission to stop horny teenagers and lonely old men from doing what comes naturally when they’ve got five minutes spare. Doesn’t she realize that this will destroy the disposable tissue industry in this country? The issue now is that David Cameron seems unable to ban smoking or drinking so in a vain attempt to win the middle class voters back who need something to worry about corrupting their darling children that the government must be doing something about – he’s decided that wanking is what he needs to crusade against.

The problem with all of this though is that the war is already won, you can actively censor parts of the internet with a radical new technology called ‘Norton internet security’ (other brands are available) it comes on this thing call a CD, or compact disk, and after a few windows of installation you can create your own tiny censorship programme while, although imperfect, will be able to stop your little rascals seeing something that might worry a middle class mother, or worse yet a Daily Mail ‘columnist’. If they work out how to get round it, congratulations you have yourself one intelligent tott that, heaven forbid, might need to you sit down and have a little chat about the basics of the birds and the bees.

Leaving aside Ms Perry’s oversight of existing ‘advanced’ technologies that already can do what she proposes should be forced upon every home, at an expense to the taxpayer we can imagine, the main objection that I have with the proposals is it is another example of government interference in people’s lives that is both un-needed and un-wanted by large droves of the population. Although she claims on the BBC that the plans are “common-sensical” and that 6/10 people agree that blocks are needed on certain parts of the internet you have to wonder who they are asking these questions too? Asking hard-line conservative groups I would imagine that they agreed with the filter, ask those working in the adult film industry and methinks that the blocks might be less well received.

Then there is the issue of what truly is offensive to children, and most importantly who is going to decide the things that most corrupt our little darlings? Are we going to block homosexual pornography from the internet? Sodomy? Inter-racial? BBW? Fetish? (I worry that readers might be getting a little too much information about my private time in this blog, but I promise you that this was all in the name of research) Questions that you think might be obvious from a liberal standpoint, but there will be various pressure groups attempting to lobby for what they find offensive to be included behind the filter.

So you’ve finally stopped us looking at naked flesh on the internet and have proven that the filter works, but where will it stop? Will we see unsavoury political websites blocked? Justin Beiber tribute pages? This blog? All offensive to some, I’m sure, but not to all. Before you think it’s ludicrous to suggest that this could happen in the UK there are already some phone service providers who have blocked the BNP website from their mobile web-service. Although a racist and contemptuous organization they are part of the British political system and have just as much right to a presence on the web as any other organization (This will be the last time I hope that I have to stand up for the BNP – stop making me!)

These ideas are another example of the government dealing with the symptoms, not the illness. Children are naturally inquisitive beings, inquisitiveness and the internet make for a dangerous combination I agree; you only have to look at my own search engine to see that I have a various points in my life ended up on the ‘weird’ part of Youtube and regret it more and more each time. However, to stifle their inquisitiveness would be wrong. It is up to parents, teachers and community leaders to ensure that children are safe when browsing the web and helping the child interpret what they see and hear. Blocks are not the answer, adequate parenting is. It seems that the right not only doesn’t trust children, but doesn’t trust parents either.

Britain is leading the way on campaigns for a free internet. However, the current proposed reforms are being praised by China, not a nation known for its tolerance of free speech, showing the absurdities of current attitudes to the World Wide Web that certain sections of this country have. Simply putting up a filter to stop the children seeing what you don’t want them too is not the answer. It’s a-kin to stuffing your fingers in your ears and screaming to drown out the sound of a falling atom bomb, it’s still going to blow up in your face – so you might as well know that it’s coming. 

Filming the 'Chasing Chuck' sizzle reel and a little advice for people filming an "on the street" documentary.

For the past two days I’ve been filming for a sizzle reel for a documentary that I’ve wanted to make for a long time called Chasing Chuck (See previous posts for the full expose; but basically we want to take aspiring comedian Dave to prove his manliness by fighting Chuck Norris and writing his set for this year’s Edinburgh show and in the process examining what it means to be a modern man.) The shoot went amazingly well, the crew were great what we got in the can was perfect and everything seemed to run smoothly, I just can’t wait to see the edit now.

But instead of praising everything and everyone that was involved with the adventure of getting the thing made (which would be easy, everyone that we ended up working with and actually interviewing was a blast it’d possibly be a little boring to read) I’ve decided to talk about just a few things that I noticed while filming during the day that might be of use to people who are looking to make an “on the street” documentary.

Firstly, this experience has made me realize that “people” are a funny bunch, and it seems that without any prompting they have a predisposition to hate me. I’m sure that in normal circumstances I could get on with just about anyone; crazy racists and shoe bombers aside I would quite happily have a pint with anyone and enjoy their company but when I have a camera in my hands all of a sudden it seems that I have the inability to like anyone because of the way they seem to behave around it. I’m not talking about the nice people who agreed to be filmed in the interviews, they were great, (thanks again to everyone who did get involved) but “the general public” that we harangued off the streets of London for just a few minutes of their time to talk about something.

It seems that people no longer trust anything that can make an exact replica of their face and record precisely what they’re saying. They seem to think that once the magic box has recorded reality we’re going to somehow doctor it to make it appear that they’re stupid or alter things around them to take the mickey. Not only was the box going to capture their soul and make it look ridiculous but I was the one operating it and I should be ashamed of interrupting their busy day of going from the trainport to their desk to ask them some very simple questions. In one case it was even me asking politely for them to sign something after the interview to say that they were happy to be filmed because it would obviously lead to more interaction with me and potentially have them agree to supporting genocide if you were to believe the questions I got asked for what was simply making a mark on a piece of paper.

After some deliberation in my own head I realized that it wasn’t anything that we’d particularly done; we were approachable, friendly and polite to anyone that we found and didn’t even start the camera rolling until we’d got the all clear from any subject. The blame solely lied with the TV crews that have been before us and how popular a certain media sharing website with more videos of cats on it than a crazy old ladies phone.

For years now we have slowly seen the creep of more and more shocking reality TV that ‘forces’ the viewer to watch the camera pan across various scenes full of mostly idiots arguing in grunts, slurs and half-finished sentences with one another; that with some “clever” editing make it “appear” that they aren’t awfully bright (one could argue that the damage had already been done and no amount of pre-warning could make them anything other than what appears on our screen). Anyone that we went up to seemed obsessed with the idea that they were going to fall victim to this curse and they would just be the next in a long line of people who would have scorn heaped upon them with witty twitter hashtags and even possibly a full page spread in some red top paper if they tried particularly hard to say something moronic.

What was also of interest was that some participants that we found were entirely genuine and often insightful into the issues when off camera, or didn’t know that they were being filmed (but had agreed to it). When they saw the little red light flickering they became a “character” of themselves, either deciding that this was going to be their chance of a fifteen minutes of fame or again wanting to ‘play’ and idealised version of themselves where they would come across how they wanted to be seen rather than how they actually are when nothing is being made into a permanent record.  There was a strange mix of a hatred and distrust of the camera to a longing to be in front of one, sometimes within the same person. This distrust ranged from the suspicious: “Where’s this going to be shown?” to the outright indignant: “F**k you putting that camera in my face.” (At this point the camera was trained on a rather attractive looking pigeon on the floor that at least one hundred meters away from the aggrieved party). My favourite of the day was one Dave approached one “yoof” and introduced himself and told him the project was all about masculinity, the wittiest and most charming response that he could utter was: “Well that’s gay.”

But it wasn’t just the people in front of the camera that sometimes wanted to ‘play’ at being themselves. Sometimes people couldn’t help but wander behind the interview to flick a hearty and well-earned finger at the camera, after all they had altered their route to do just that for all the banter that it was worth. I wondered about the Lumier brothers when they first filmed workers leaving their factory after a hard day’s work completely oblivious to the birth of one of the greatest inventions of the last century, and now I had someone dancing behind my shot who given the chance would expose his genitals if he had more beer in him. For this I again entirely blame the rise of reality TV.

Although there seems to be some vitriol being poured on the general public my beef is not with them but society in general. We’ve made us like this. In the age of the sound bite and constant access to information the image lives on regardless of how small the screen you’re watching. This project will most likely end up on a website and Youtube with additional footage shot when/if we get the cash to turn it into a feature documentary that will be a great success for everyone involved and be the first feature film that I will have made, but it will at best make the festival circuit and get a limited release on DVD.  However, even then people seem uncertain at how they might be portrayed and what responses they might possibly receive from even the lowliest of internet trolls.

Another possibility of this distrust might be the rise of the mockumentary where a presenter starts proposing questions of an altogether irrelevant nature that are designed to make the participant look silly. Borat, Trigger Happy TV, however Keith Lemon is trying to entertain people who watch ITV 3, the list goes on. Is it that this brand of humours stunt has spoilt the possibility for other filmmakers to gain genuine and insightful comments from the man (or woman) on the street through fear that this might all be a set up?

It may also hark back to previous statements that I’ve made about social media. Our life online is something that we like to keep as an idealised version of ourselves; detagging unflattering pictures on nights out, affiliating only with groups and pages that will further our online persona (regardless of how far from our real-life one) and only talking about things that will further convey the “idealised” us. If well in the future finally an alien race descends on the charred remains of our planet with huge “B&L” logos littering the landscape with the lone Waste Allocation Load Lifter – Earth class being there to welcome them, and the only records they have of our existence are the servers at Facebook they might think that we lived a life of complete hedonism and blissful happiness, and just happened to enjoy pictures of cats being amusing as a side gig. Those who were none participants in our documentary might have wanted to ensure that although they might (most likely would) have never see the collected footage of them they were uncertain if anyone else might have a chortle of their representation. 

So after this little rant how would I advise you dear reader on getting the most out of on-street interviews when filming your own documentary?

1 – Be professional at all times. This includes what you wear, who you bring with you and how you act. If you have some kind of uniform wear it (just a polo shirt with the logo of your production company on will do or even simply the word “crew”). Don’t bring your mate who’s a bit of a dick on the shoot, only have the people around you that you trust and know will act responsibly and respectfully around people. Finally, act like a film crew. Most silently watch the monitor and let the presenter do their job while you do yours.

2 – Once you’ve got permission to film just start rolling. Brief your presenter that once they’ve got someone agreeing to be filmed get them to start asking a few questions that seem entirely innocent but are actually more to do with the documentary than first appear, just a: “What do you think of…” will do, it’ll come across as more of a chat than an interview. On the flip side of that make sure that once permission has been granted you need to start rolling straight away. Dave would often have some brilliant back and fourths with some subjects about the project before we’d even hit record that we missed. We got everything that we needed but there were some nuggets that would have been nice additions to the piece.

3 – Get a production manager/assistant that will do the release forms for you. On the shoot we had an amazing PA called Elspeth who we could not have done the shoot without. She was able to get all of the legal stuff done as we were off filming the next interview that we had secured so that we could maximise our time filming.

4 – The three “R’s” Reassure, Reassure, Reassure – Make sure that your participants know what they’re getting into but keep telling them that this is something serious that you’re doing, you have passion for the project and are not out to make them look silly. After the interview be entirely transparent, give them your details and ask them to get in touch so that you can send them the link of the finished thing and ask them to contact you if they’ve said something that they’d rather not show (you might decide that it’s gold and you’re not going to take it out but at least have the dialogue with them and practice the 3 “R’s” again.

5 – Get more than you need – It’s better to have and not need and need and not have. You might interview twenty people in an hour period but only some of them (3 at most) might have some golden lines that drive the project forward and give you insight into the topic that you’re looking at. Don’t settle for someone just muttering a phrase that you want to hear get that extrovert that will talk at length about a topic that’s close to their heart!

6 – If the topic is something risky start with a few warm-up questions and then hit them with the biggie in-between another set of easy ones. It’s called “the shit sandwich” in management terms I believe.

7 – Get someone amazing in front of the camera to begin with. I cannot stress how important this is. We had Dave on camera for two days and he didn’t put a foot wrong. He was professional, passionate and a great performer. We could have had him narrating paint dry and it’d be interesting.

Anyhow, I think that I’ve ranted enough for today. I want to thank everyone who did end up speaking to us and hope to get the edit done by the end of August. Watch this space.